Wedding of
Stella (Catholic) and Bala (Muslim)A marriage is a wonderful institution in the eyes of people of every human society. It is also a wonderful institution in the eyes of God. Today we are witnessing the marriage of a couple of different religious backgrounds: Catholic and Muslim. By contracting their marriage in a Catholic ceremony, Stella and Bala are agreeing to Catholic standards of married life.
Some of you may wonder why Bala should agree to Catholic conditions of marriage. I would like to show that Catholic standards are not only excellent norms for a happy and successful marriage, but also they articulate the ideal marriage encouraged by Islam. Let us look at some of these standards.
- The purpose of marriage is to have children. Listen to Genesis, 1:28: “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it.”
Listen to Psalm 128:
Like a fruitful vine shall be your wife * within you house,
Your children like olive shoots * around your table
Enjoy the children of your children, * the peace of Israel’s Most High.Listen to the Qur’an, النحل 16:72:
وَاللَّهُ جَعَلَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَجَعَلَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَزْوَاجِكُمْ بَنِينَ وَحَفَدَةً وَرَزَقَكُمْ مِنَ الطَّيِّبَاتِ
God gave you spouses from among yourselves, and from the spouses he gave you children and grandchildren, and he provided you with good things.
- Another purpose, the second component of marriage, is mutual love. Listen to Ephesians, 5:28,33: “Husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies... [The man] must love his wife as he loves himself; and let every wife respect her husband.”
Listen to the Qur’an, الروم 30:21:
وَمِنْ آَيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً
Among his wonders is that he created spouses for you from among yourselves, that you may dwell with them, and he established love and tenderness between the two of you.
- The third component is permanence. A Catholic marriage is “until death do we part”, come good fortune or bad, sickness or health. Jesus taught (Mat 19:4-6): “From the beginning God made them male and female. For this reason a man leaves his father and motherand cleaves to his wife, and thetwo become one flesh. So that they are not two any more,but one flesh. What God has joined, let man not separate.” Jesus’ disciples objected that Moses allowed divorce. Jesus answered (19:8): “He let you dismiss your wives because of your hardness of heart. It was not like that at the beginning.”
Now you may be thinking, everyone knows that Islam allows divorce. Does it? I would rather say it only tolerates divorce and preaces permanence as the ideal. A man is forbidden to pronounce the triple divorce formula in one statement, but must undergo a cooling off period of three months before he makes the second statement, and another three months before he makes the third and final statement. In the meantime, the relatives of the couple are supposed to be busy intervening to reconcile the two. One hadith sums up the matter:
أبغض الحلال إلى الله الطلاق
“Of all things that are tolerated, the most hateful to God is divorce.” So the Islamic ideal also is “until death do we part”.
- The fourth component is monogamy. The Catholic Church has always understood the teaching we just heard, “two in one flesh” as excluding “three in one flesh” by the addition of another wife.
Now you may be thinking, everyone knows that a Muslim man is allowed four wives. Is he? The Qur’an is very clear. Sura an-nisa’ 4:3 says: “Marry good wives, two, three or four, but if you fear you may not treat them equitably, then only one.” The same sura, verse 129, goes on to say:
وَلَنْ تَسْتَطِيعُوا أَنْ تَعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ النِّسَاءِ وَلَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ
“It is impossible for you to treat several wives equitably, even if you desired to do so.”
What is the Islamic ideal then? One man, one wife. As a matter of fact, in Arab countries it is very rare for a man to have more than one wife, and in Tunisia it is against the law.
A good marriage is a beautiful thing, but it is not easy. The first and main hurdle is the attitude and commitment you have to it from the start. If you have studied and understood all the implications of a Catholic marriage and sinacerely embrace the mat the start, the battle is half won.
But there are other hurdles in the future. An environment which chases after wealth and enjoyment over everything else can try to topple your commitment. Temptation is always lurking at the door. Listen to 1 Peter, 5:8:“The devil goes around like a lion seeking whom he can devour.” Listen to the Qur’an, الناس 114:
قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاسِ (١) مَلِكِ النَّاسِ (٢) إِلَهِ النَّاسِ (٣) مِنْ شَرِّ الْوَسْوَاسِ الْخَنَّاسِ (٤) الَّذِي يُوَسْوِسُ فِي صُدُورِ النَّاسِ (٥) مِنَ الْجِنَّةِ وَالنَّاسِ (٦)
“Say: I seek refuge with the Lord of men, the king of men, the God of men, from the evil whispering of the tempter, who whispers in the hearts of men, [I see refuge also] from jinn and from men.”
Another hurdle is the daily wear and tear of job, workaholism, consequent fatigue, irritableness, accumulating friction, and recollections that he said this, she did that. A marriage needs working at and maintenance, just like a car, to prevent it from knocking or breaking down. This means daily attention to the other party’s concerns and state of mind, and a willingness to forgive little offences if they arise.
Beyond that, there is nothing so fundamental as good character (hali mai kyau). It is more important than wealth and worldly success, and it is more important than prayer. I do urge you to pray and pray together. But prayer without attention to good behaviour or keeping the commandments is empty noise, which God does not hear.
We pray for you this morning that God may bless you, lend you his heavenly power, to make this marriage a success, a blessing for yourselves, your children, and all who come in contact with you.