Wedding of Katie Kenny & Alex Gray
16 Dec. 2006Rehearsal Dinner Invocation
We thank the Lord for giving us life, for a wonderful world where to live and grow, for minds that crackle and hearts that throb, for parents and children and siblings too, for friends to support us in all we need, for Jesus who showed us God's love for us, who guides us and feeds us and lifts us up, whenever we fall or make a mess. While death and destruction are all around, he tells us: "Don't fear, let life go on. Go into the marriage you've pondered and planned, I'm with you until the end of time." The blessing of God on Alex and Kate, the Kennys and Grays and all their friends. I bless this food we have gathered to share, in the name of the Father and Son and Spirit too, the three ever one who can keep you one, in union with him who is love itself. Homily at the Mass
The last time I celebrated a public Mass in this country was at my brother Marty's funeral. It marked his moving on to eternal life. Eternal life is not the same as earthly life. It is a new life. So also, married life is not the same as single life. It is a new life, of two in one flesh.
Life is a gift from God coming through human instruments. Katie and Alex, your bodily life came from God through your parents. Eternal life comes from him through the Church. Your marital life comes from God through the two of you, the contracting parties.
Neither human life nor eternal life nor married life is something you can invent or reinvent. Life has certain requisites defined by its divine maker. Just as an airplane design must have a certain basic pattern or the plane will not fly, so there are certain requisites for your bodily life, or you will die, certain requisites for our spiritual life or you will not reach eternal happiness, and certain requisites for your married life or it is not a marriage and won't fly.
Life, then, in any of its forms, is God's gift. But in entrusting this gift to you, God has given you two wonderful powers. The first is to enhance life, and the second is to transmit it.
You enhance your bodily life by proper diet, exercise and rest etc. You enhance your spiritual life by education and by letting yourselves be transformed ever more into the image of Christ. Your married life will be enhanced by persistent concern for the good of the other, Katie's concern for Alex, and Alex's concern for Katie, after the example of Christ's self-sacrifice for the Church.
As for transmitting life, God has not only made you, Katie and Alex, the ministers and instruments of bringing your own married life into existence, but he also makes you the instruments of bringing new human life into being, in the persons of your children.
So married life is a new life. It is one of the good, God-given ways of filling the gap of solitude, of coming to terms with the law of human existence: "It is not good for man to be alone." Even though success has crowned both of you in your struggle to establish your careers, you know that money and career are not enough.
To fill the gap, some lonely singles reach out to a partner for a casual sexual fling, or give themselves out on credit in an experimental relationship, hoping that a marriage may materialize. The infatuation wanes; they find themselves jilted in a more painful solitude. They then have to start all over again, bargaining to flog a fairly-worn second-hand commodity to a similarly desperate suitor. Katie and Alex, thank God you have been spared the crash so many people your age have made of their lives.
Your marriage can fill the gap of solitude if it is a communion of your two persons, if you are joined unconditionally and permanently both in body and in soul, if you are ready to die for each other, if you are one in heart and mind.
But how much must you be of one mind? Differences of opinion arise because of our imperfect ability to grasp the truth. It may be painful, but it is not incompatable with love if Katie is a Democrat—as I know she is, and—let's just suppose— Alex is a Republican. Your difference of religion is more painful, but genuine love can live with this also, even while working and praying for the gift of agreement and full communion of faith and worship.
For your marriage really to fly, it needs transparency, cooperation and a super-human energy to clear the fatigue, eliminate the competition, and survive the difficulties that settle in like a morning smog. Friction can build up from "the craving of the flesh, the craving of the eyes, and pride of life"—in John's words (1 Jn 2:16). Where there is friction sparks will fly. Immediate attention is needed before the plane crashes. Assistance from the extended family can be of great help. Katie and Alex, your extended families love you very much. You can depend on them in any crisis.
But more is needed. Someone once said, "If I had a brother or a son who is a priest in these scandalous times, I would be on my knees every day praying for him to survive." Is marriage success any less critically in need of divine help? The power of "God's love planted in the heart by the Holy Spirit" (Rm 5:5) comes through prayer, through sharing in the Eucharist, and by using the sacrament of Penance to remedy deficiencies and sins. Katie and Alex, there will come times when you have to say "Sorry" to God and to each other. Be ready to forgive and to receive forgiveness, from each other and from God through the Church.
"If the Lord does not build the house... If the Lord does not watch over the city," says Psalm 127, you are wasting your time. The same Psalm goes on to say, "Children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward"—but what a job they are!
It takes physical maturity to be able to have a child. To transmit character and familiarity with God takes spiritual maturity and reliance on God. Many of you may have heard "The family that prays together stays together."—True to an extent, but be careful! My own Mother heard of so many cases of religion being foisted on children and their later rebelling against it that she forbade family prayer in our house, apart from grace before meals; the only thing required was Sunday Mass. It worked; we all quietly personalized our Catholic Faith. So, Katie and Alex, put no restrictions on your love God, but don't get carried away by religious practices that threaten your family life and work obligations.
Dad had his own tricks for character formation. Although he was a smoker, he did not want us to take after him. So one day he called Marty, myself and Hank and announced he was going to teach us how to smoke. He showed each of us how to light up, and told us to inhale deeply and blow out. After that bout of choking, none of us ever touched a cigarette again. So, Katie and Alex, be imaginative.
Parents also teach their children by what they spend money on. When I was growing up we had little money for accessories, but we were trained to respect people like Max, the hobo. And I never forget one Thanksgiving day. After we finished dinner the doorbell rang, and there was a haggard woman who asked if we had something to eat. Dad said, "Of course," and led her to the kitchen where there were plenty of hot left-overs. He shut the door to let her eat alone, and would not allow us to look in and gawk. When she finished and left, we were amazed at the volume she finished, including a big bowl of turnips, and we all felt happy for her. That was an education! Katie and Alex, your economic starting point is better than that of my parents at their retirement. Don't spoil your children. And teach them to think of the needs of others.
So life is God's gift to you. It is worth living, worth transmitting, and worth every scratch of your effort to improve and enhance it. Katie & Alex, as you enter your new life of marriage, we pray that your marital life may flourish, until the day this life is transformed into eternal life.